UNOFFICIAL NEWPORT COUNTY AFC FORUMS

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.



Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.






Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.







Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.






A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”






Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It’s two gross.

Kardiff City

I can't believe how rude the Suppository Helpline was...

A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States ..."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

Hope I haven’t posted these before!

Did you hear about the Irishman that thought Sherlock Holmes was a block of flats.

Or the Irish, (Welsh, whatever) who thought that Sheffield Wednesday was a public holiday.

Or, even, the Irishman that thought that Man Utd was a football team. Touché. From a Liverpool fan. Cue the Scouser jokes.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

neilcork68 wrote:What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Terrible joke...made me crease up

I rang our forum friend Stan earlier, and his wife answered:

"I wanted to wish you and Stan a good holiday," I said. "You fly from Gatwick tomorrow, don't you?"

She said, "Stansted."

"Blimey," I said, "I'm so sorry to hear that, he seemed absolutely fine posting on the message board yesterday".

DeePeeNCAFC wrote:I rang our forum friend Stan earlier, and his wife answered:

"I wanted to wish you and Stan a good holiday," I said. "You fly from Gatwick tomorrow, don't you?"

She said, "Stansted."

"Blimey," I said, "I'm so sorry to hear that, he seemed absolutely fine posting on the message board yesterday".

Just heard two on the Virtual Newport Folk Club,
The Origami Championships are live next week.They are on Paper View.
A man rings the midwife and says “My wife is going into labour,what do I do”.The midwife says”Is this the first born”,he says “No,this is the husband”.
I know,they should stick to being musicians and singers.

Just seen a lady with 12 breasts
Seems a bit strange dozen tit?

mad norm wrote:Just seen a lady with 12 breasts
Seems a bit strange dozen tit?

A bishop, a priest and a rabbit walk into the hospital to donate blood.

“What’s your blood group?” asks the nurse.

“I think I’m a type O,” replies the rabbit.

My Oriental neighbour told me he had just opened a crows shop.

Speaking very slowly I asked 'Don't you mean a clothes shop?'

He replied 'No, its a crows shop, come in and have a rook'.

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster: The Great Composers!
Stallone says, “I wanna be Beethoven”.
Willis retorts, “I gotta be Mozart”.
Arnie has a think for a minute and then says....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...”I’ll be Bach!”