Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

249
Two fish are in a tank.....One turns to the other one and says ' how do you drive this thing ?'


A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbour asked him why the pig had only three legs. "Well, I'll tell you" the farmer replied. "One day I was ploughing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life". "Oh, that's how he lost his leg?" the neighbour drawled. "No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbour. "No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbour demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"


A blonde and a brunette worked in a factory. The brunette says, "I know how to get some time off from work!" "How?" asks the blonde. "Watch this," says the brunette. She climbs up to the rafter and hangs upside down. The boss walks in, sees her and says, "What on earth are you doing?" "I'm a light bulb," she answers. "I think you need some time off," says the boss so she jumps down and walks out. The blonde starts walking out, too. "Where are YOU going?" says the boss. The blonde replies, "I can't work in the dark!"

Re: Can we have a jokes thread?

251
Stevie Wonder is playing his first ever gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.
In a bid to break the ice, he asks if anyone has a request.
One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice, Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in his career, Stevie starts to play an ‘e’ minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!".
A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band and really tears the place apart.
The crowd go ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical expertise, but still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!".
Stevie is really pissed off now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage, "OK smart arse, you get up here and do it".
The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing...
"A jazz chord... to say... I ruv you..."

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